Intervention Aftermath
by kittencaboodle
Summary: Sequel to "Alternative Intervention" Picks up 3-ish months after the end of that. Spuffy, kinda smutty, kinda angsty, lots of drama. The rating's no joke, so pay attention! NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a sequel to my story "Alternative Intervention" and if you havent read that, you probably wont understand this one. This story picks up about three months after the end of AI, with Spike and Buffy together. It's gonna start off smutty, so if you're underage, please dont read it. i dont want to explain to your parents where you learned the stork didnt drop you off. which it so did.

As per usual, i dont own the btvs characters or story background. i just play around because i can't have Spike all to myself. Maeve is mine, technically.

I hope you like it, and if you send me lots and lots of reviews, it'll encourage me to get the rest of it up here faster! Thanks! ~Kitten

* * *

"How would you feel if I asked you to move in here?" I asked as I lay in Spike's arms after another round of cataclysmic lovemaking. We'd been together for three months now, since that night that he killed Glory, and the sex between us was still earth-shattering.

"What?" He was sleepy, blinking slowly at me.

"Do you want to move in with Dawn and me?" I asked. His eyes shot open.

"Huh?" he grunted eloquently.

"Well, I mean, you stay here every night anyway," I said. He gaped down at me, and I fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I-I mean… i-if you don't… want to , that's o-okay."

"Sweetling, in what universe would I ever say no to you?" he said, finally recovered from his shock, apparently. I furrowed my brows at him.

"I don't want you to say yes just because you don't want to say no to me."

"No, honey, that's not what I meant," he said. "C'mon, love. I haven't even been back t' m' crypt in a week."

"No, we stopped by on Tuesday," I corrected him. We'd been patrolling, and gotten in a fight with four fledges. After, we were both charged and needed each other right then. So we bolted to his crypt and made love until nearly sunup in that big, pretty bed of his. Other than the occasional quickie, we rarely even went to his crypt anymore. He spent most of his time at my house, sleeping while I went to work at the Espresso Pump during the day. When Dawn got home, he made sure she did her homework, so now she'd made up for the time she missed last year. When I got home, we'd have dinner- he was a much better cook than Dawn or I- and then we'd just hang out for the rest of the night. Sometimes we went out to the Bronze with the Scoobies, or we'd take Dawn to the movies, but most nights we just patrolled and came home to bed. The usual Hellmouth-y craziness gave us the rush we needed every once in awhile. It was normal- as normal as we got- and it was good for us.

"Okay, so it's been five days since I've been at the crypt," he said, chuckling. "Love, we've been nearly living together for weeks now. All my stuff's here, 'cept for the bed, an' I don' remember the last time I slept alone."

"So why did you look at me like I'd grown another head?" I pouted. He pulled me to him and kissed my pouty lips.

"I was just surprised you asked, pet," he said. "I din't think you'd actually make it official. Jus' figured we'd keep on with what we've been doin'."

"Well, I want to make it official," I said. "And… I've kind of been saving up for a little bit, and I thought we could redo my mom's room. If this is going to be our house, we should have the master bedroom, right?"

"If you want to, Sweets," he said. "When do you want t' make this official?"

"How about we go get what's left of your stuff tomorrow night?"

"Sounds perfect," he said, snuggling up to me. His voice dropped to its husky bedroom tone. "Now how 'bout we celebrate this new development?" I giggled and climbed on top of him, riding him slowly until we both exploded, each other's name falling off our lips like a prayer.

Spike officially moved in the next night, and our routine became blissfully domestic. We renovated my mom's old bedroom into our own, complete with Spike's gigantic four-poster bed. It felt like we were a complete family, Spike, Dawn, and I. I hadn't felt like I was part of a complete family in a long time.

One morning, Spike was sleeping while Dawn and I ate breakfast before work and school. I sifted through the mail idly while I ate my cereal. The bank statement had come, so I opened it up, just glancing through the list of transactions. When I got to the balance, I nearly choked on my corn flakes. I knew how much money I had, and I _definitely_ did not have $250,000!

"What?" Dawn asked, mouth full of toast. I handed her the statement as I reached for the phone. This was just some kind of clerical error, and I should get it fixed. There was probably some lotto winner missing his cash right now.

"Sunnydale Banking Company," a polite female voice answered.

"Hi, my name is Buffy Summers," I said. "Um, I have an account with you, and I got my statement this morning. I think there's been some kind of mistake."

"What kind of mistake?" the woman asked. I heard the click-click-clack of a keyboard typing.

"Uh, there seems to be a lot of money in my account. A lot more than there should be."

"Oh, no, your husband made that deposit about a week ago. I took care of it myself," she said. "I must say, you're a lucky girl. That William of yours is quite a catch."

"My husband? William?" I said. Dawn laughed loudly.

"Yes, William Kingsley," the woman said, worry tingeing her voice. "He is your husband, isn't he?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, he just didn't tell me he was making the deposit," I lied quickly. "Thank you. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"Have a nice day."

"Your husband William?" Dawn asked as I hung up the phone. On cue, Spike walked into the kitchen. Wearing only a pair of black sweatpants, he ruffled his hair sleepily.

"Morning," he rumbled.

"Good morning," I said, accepting the kiss he pressed to my lips. I picked up the phone again. There was another call I needed to make. "Mike?" I said when my boss answered. "Hey, I'm not going to be able to come into work today. Family stuff." He asked if anyone was hurt as Spike raised an eyebrow at me. "No, everyone's fine. There's just a couple things that came up that I need to take care of." Mike agreed to let me off, and I thanked him and hug up.

"What's goin' on, pet?" Spike asked.

"The bank statement came today," I said. I heard the front door open, which meant Xander was here to take Dawn to school. Spike's face remained blank. "There seems to be quite a bit of money in the account. So I called them-" I saw a flicker pass through his eyes. Xander came into the kitchen, followed by Anya.

"An' what'd they say?" he asked slowly.

"They said my husband, a Mr. William Kingsley, made the deposit last week," I said.

"It was s'posed t' be a surprise."

"Oh, it was a surprise all right," I said. "Why'd you do that, Spike?"

"I wanted t' give it t' you," he said. "It's jus' been sittin' in a bank for a hundred years. I wanted t' make sure you an' the Bit 'd be okay if-"

"How much money are we talking about, here?" Xander cut in.

"Quarter million," I said, not looking away from Spike. Xander let out a low whistle.

"Why are you complaining?" Anya asked.

"I'm not," I said. "I'd just like to be included in decisions made in this house."

"I didn't think you'd be mad, love," Spike said, frowning. "I jus'… no one was usin' it, an' I wanted t'-" He fidgeted uncomfortably. He didn't want to talk about this in front of Xander. Xander was staring at us in confusion.

"Xander, can you get Dawn off to school, please? Spike and I have some stuff to talk about," I said.

"Sure thing, Buff," Xander said, still looking at Spike like he didn't recognize him. I gave Dawn a kiss on the cheek as she left. Dawn gave Spike a quick hug.

"Don't let her bully you," she said, tossing a smirk at me. I glared at her as she skipped out the door. Once we were alone, I looked back to Spike. He looked sad.

"I'm not mad," I started. He looked doubtful. I took his hands in mine, kissing his knuckles. "Really, I'm not. You… you're amazing, you know that? But you didn't need to-"

"I did need," he interrupted me. "I live here, too, yeah? 'M a part of this family. Or I thought I was."

"Of course you are!" I interjected. "Spike, baby, why wouldn't you think you're a part of our family?"

"Well, why're you makin' such a deal 'bout this?" he asked. "'M jus' tryin' t' take care of you, take care of the Bit. 'M allowed t' do that, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are," I said softly. God, I'm such a bitch. He gives me a gift like this and I make him feel bad about it. "I'm sorry, baby," I said, wrapping my arms around his wais. "I'm stupid. A moron, really. You are so wonderful, you know that?" I looked back up at him. The sadness was mostly gone from his eyes. His arms came up around me, lifting me up. He set me on the counter, standing between my legs.

"I love you," I murmured, resting my forehead against his. He smiled, nuzzling my nose with his.

"Love you, too, pet," he said, kissing me softly. He pulled away after a long moment, resting his hands on my thighs. I ran a foot up the back of his leg, my hands on his shoulders.

"So, I was thinkin'," he said.

"Don't hurt yourself," I teased. He nipped playfully at my lips.

"if you wanted t' go back t' school now, you could," he said. "There's plenty more dosh in the bank, an' I already set up a fund for Dawn, so if you wanted-"

"C'mere, you," I said, locking my legs around his waist. I hauled him forward for a kiss. He growled into my mouth as I raked my hands down his back. I grabbed his ass, pulling him even closer. His erection ground into me as I moaned. There was no way that we could make it upstairs.

"Need you," he panted. I lifted my arms, letting him strip my shirt off and dropped my legs as his hands dropped to the drawstring on my shorts. Lifting my hips, he pulled my shorts off and let them fall to the floor. I scooted to the edge of the counter as he shoved his own pants down and off his hips. In no need of foreplay, I took him in hand and guided him to my core. He filled me in one quick push, and the feeling of it made me arch and crack my head against the cabinet.

"Sorry," he muttered, reaching up to brace one hand behind my head. My ankles crossed at the small of his back as I tried to pull him in deeper.

"More, Spike," I moaned. "Harder, oh, god, Spike, baby-"

"Love you," he panted. "Cor, pet, burn me up, you do. Your tight little cunny's so hot."

"Mm, I like it when you talk while you fuck me," I whispered in his ear, biting the lobe. He growled and slipped his hands under my thighs. Lifting me up, he backed up until his back hit the wall. Then my back pressed up against it, and I groped for something to hold on to so I could thrust down on him. Still not satisfied with the angle, Spike walked us into the dining room, never slipping from inside me. He kicked a chair over and laid me down gently on the table.

The gentleness ended there. Gripping my thighs with bruising force, he pounded into me. Grunting like animals, we thrashed and rutted primally. Spike never actually injured me during sex, but every once in awhile we fucked so hard I had trouble walking for a few hours. I had a feeling Spike was going to have to carry me up to bed when this was done.

"Spike!" I yelled when his hand came down to rub my clit in time to his furious thrusts.

"You like that, baby?" he growled. "Tell your Spike what you like."

"Oh, god, Spike, yes, I love you," I cried. "Love this."

"You need to come, baby?" he asked. His voice was such a feral growl I nearly didn't recognize it. I nodded and he reached up to pinch my nipple sharply. "You want my fangs in you, Slayer? You want me to bite you, mark up that pretty skin of yours?"

"Yes, please!" I begged. "Bite me, Spike, please." He vamped with a roar and sank his fangs into the soft flesh of my breast. My orgasm took over my body completely. I screamed his name as I fell over the edge.

I must have blacked out, because when I opened my eyes, we were curled up in our bed, still warm from sleeping there last night. My head was pillowed by Spike's bicep and his other hand stroked my hair.

"There she is," he said quietly, smiling as I opened my eyes.

"How long was I out?"

"'Bout an hour," he said. Wow, that was way more intense than I thought. "Was a bit worried, love. Thought I hurt you."

"I'm okay," I said, stretching out my arms and legs. Yep, all still working.

"I think I took a bit too much," he said, eyes dropping down to the bite mark on my breast. He usually didn't bite me, but every once in awhile I asked him to. He'd never knocked me out before, though. I was always conscious enough to pull him off if I needed. I was lucky he didn't kill me.

"Could've killed you," he said, echoing my thoughts. "I don'… I shouldn' bite you again. Not anymore."

"Hey, I'm okay," I said, cupping his cheek. "But if it'll make you feel better, I won't ask again, okay?"

"'M sorry, sweetheart," he said, crushing me to him. "I'll never hurt you. An' I'll never let the demon hurt you either."

"You're stronger than him," I assured him. "The demon would've killed me. You stopped him."

"I might not always," he said. His eyes looked haunted. "It's the only way t' keep it in check. No more biting, not ever."

"Okay," I said. "I trust you. You make the rules for your demon."

"I love you, you know that, right?"

"I know," I said. "I love you right back." We lay together quietly for hours, dozing in each other's arms. Spike was purring, like he usually did when he was happy, but I could tell it was just for my benefit. I could still smell his fear. I wanted to reassure him, but I didn't know how. I knew _he_ wouldn't hurt me, but I couldn't speak for his demon. The chip didn't fire if I offered my blood to him, and we'd never tested the boundaries. I didn't know what it would take for the chip to fire if I gave myself willingly.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked when he brought up lunch for us. Normally I didn't like being coddled, but I knew he was still worried. I smiled when he climbed back into bed, my mom's old breakfast tray in hand.

"I feel fine," I said. "I just needed some rest."

"Eat up, love," he said. "I'll run you a bath when you're done."

"Spike, you don't need-"

"Buffy, let me do this," he said. "I was s'posed t' be making love t' you an' I nearly killed you. I can't- This is the only way I know how to make it up to you. T' tell you how horrible I feel."

"Sweetheart, you didn't attack me," I said. He opened his mouth to speak, but I covered his lips with my fingertips. "I know you, so I know you're going to beat yourself up over this for awhile. I'm going to keep telling you that you did nothing wrong, but until you believe me, I'll let you do whatever you need to."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"But when you run that bath, I want you to join me," I said. Again, he started to protest. "I've chosen you as my partner. I knew what I was getting into. So I'll let you take care of me, but only if you let me take care of you, too."

His purring stopped being just for comfort then.

I thought we were doing okay. A few weeks passed after the biting incident, and I though Spike and I were working. We were happy. I applied back to UC Sunnydale to start in the winter term. I was still working at the Espresso Pump, but only to give myself something to do. We had to deal with some new pop-ups of evil every now and again, but nothing we couldn't handle. Spike and I patrolled together and slept together every night.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when one night I woke to find Spike slipping out of the room, his duster in hand. He rarely even wore that old coat, and he _never_ left our bed at night. My heart pounding, I pulled on some clothes and set out after him. I followed him at enough distance that he wouldn't sense me, but close enough that I could see the determined set of his jaw.

He turned down the alley next to Willie's bar. I followed, just catching him as he slipped inside a side door. I boosted myself up on a trash can to peer inside a window. I could see Spike, talking to someone covered by shadow. Then, the shadows moved, and the person he was talking to stepped forward.

She was radiant. Long, curly red hair tumbled down her back and over her shoulders. She was dressed in a flowing emerald dressed trimmed in gold. Her ivory skin was flawless, and ruby lips set off her jade-green eyes. She was gorgeous, and she was smiling at my vampire.

I inched the window open so I could hear what they said. The woman's voice was low and melodious as she talked to Spike. "What, exactly, are you asking of me, William?" He never let me call him William.

"I almost killed her," he said. "I would've, but the chip fired when her heart slowed down." He'd gotten that far?

"So you don't think being with her is a good idea." A sharp pain started in my heart at her words, more statement than question.

"I don' want t' hurt her," Spike said sadly.

"Then don't, William," she said. She was teasing him. "It's not exactly difficult."

"I'm evil," Spike said. "I'm soulless. One way or another, I'll hurt her."

"Dear, sweet William," she sighed, touching his cheek. When Spike didn't pull away, my heart broke a little more.

"So can you…"

"Come out and say it, dear. I'm not a mind reader." She stepped back and crossed her arms. I thought I saw her eyes flash towards me.

"I jus'… I want to be good for her," Spike said. "I want- She's happy right now-"

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," she murmured. "She was happy before you left her bed, I promise. Now…"

"What?"

"Nothing, go on," she ordered with a dismissive wave of one long hand.

My lover sighed and ran a hand through his curly hair. "She's jus' so perfect-"

"Now there's a pedestal for ya," she drawled. Spike shot a glare at her. "Sorry. Do continue."

"I don' know how long I can keep her happy," he said. "She'll realize what I am eventually. I can't be a man for her, give her children and a life in the sun. And my demon's always calling for her blood. I don' deserve her."

"So you want to be worthy of her?" she asked, sighing. "William-"

"I want to be her partner," he said. "Right now… we're different sides o' the same bloody coin an' all that rot. But if my demon's always screamin' for her blood, how can the man love her?"

"Have you told the girl this?" Spike shook his head. "Maybe you should. Buffy, my dear, please come in." Crap. Okay, how do I work this so Spike isn't mad at me? Damn.

"What are you doing here?" Spike demanded, throwing open the door and hauling me off the trash can.

"You left in the middle of the night!" I said defensively. "What was I supposed to do when I woke up and you were gone?"

"She does have a point," the woman said.

"So you followed me?" Spike asked, ignoring her.

"I was worried," I said. "And it turns out I've got something to worry about!"

"What are you talking about, Slayer?" He didn't call me Slayer in regular conversation. Buffy, love, pet, kitten, sweetheart, sure. But not Slayer. He called me Slayer when he was angry at me, or when our lovemaking became less than gentle.

"I came after you because I was worried you were in trouble." I blinked back heartbroken tears. "And then I see that you came here to see-" I sniffled, looking down at my feet. "I trust you, you know that. And I love you more than anything. But what am I supposed to think? You leave our bed in the middle of the night to come meet another woman?"

"No, my dear, that's not what's going on," the woman said, cutting off Spike's attempt to speak. "I'm not sleeping with your vampire, nor am I even remotely interested in him." Spike hadn't moved his hurt eyes from me. I looked away from him to the redhead.

"So who are you then?" I asked, wiping at tears.

"Call me Maeve," she said. "You, Buffy, you I have been waiting to meet for years."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. Had she known Spike for years?

"I've known William here since he was a human child," she said, smiling at Spike. "I lied, I _can_ actually read minds. I just wanted you to say out loud what you wanted so she could hear how moronic you were being."

"Okay, maybe I'm just mentally challenged, but I still don't know who you are."

"I'm what your friend Willow refers to as 'Goddess'," she said. I crossed my arms.

"Prove it."

She sighed. "Would you like to know what would have happened if you had not helped Spike that day after Glorificus, my idiot cousin, tortured him?" Maeve asked. I raised an eyebrow at her. "Your friend Tara would have had her mind nearly destroyed by Glory. You had to run, taking Dawn with you. Your former Watcher was injured, and when you called the human Ben to help him, Glory took your sister. You defeated Glory, but not without loss. Dawn was injured, and her blood opened the portal. To close it, you, Buffy, jumped from a tower, killing yourself." I heard Spike's sharp intake of breath.

"Your friend Willow resurrected you," she went on. "She pulled you out of Heaven. In your severe depression, you turned to Spike to 'make you feel again.' You two started an abusive secret affair. It nearly destroyed you both. Xander and Anya were set to be married, but Xander left her at the altar." That made my frown deepen. Xander wouldn't do that to Anya. "In mutual misery, Anya and Spike slept together," Maeve said. I choked on tears at the thought of Spike with someone else, one of my friends. "Your friends found out about the affair. In a misguided attempt to get you back, Spike tried to rape you." Spike dropped to the ground crying. I wanted to go to him, but I couldn't make myself move.

"He left to challenge a demon for his soul," Maeve said. "Meanwhile, a trio of humans who had tried and failed to take over Sunnydale got desperate. One of them shot you and murdered Tara. You survived, because Willow, using dark magic, revived you. She murdered the man who killed Tara and attempted to call forth a hell goddess to end the world.

"Xander stopped her, but she was broken. Giles took her away to recover and learn to control her magic. Spike won his soul for you and returned to Sunnydale, only to become the puppet for the First Evil. The First used Spike to kill and sire dozens. The First was hell-bent, no pun intended, on destroying the Slayer line. It killed hundreds and took Xander's eye before you could stop it. Spike sacrificed himself for the world this time, and when you, Buffy, told him that you loved him, he didn't believe you. A few months later-"

"Stop!" I yelled. "Stop it! I don't want to know!" Spike looked numb. Finally, I forced myself to drop to his side, wrapping my arms around him. He was shaking. Or maybe it was me, I don't know.

"It never happened," I mumbled into his ear. "None of it happened."

"I- I could've…" he muttered. "I tried to hurt you."

"Not you," I said. I was crying, my tears falling onto his shoulder. "Never you, Spike. I don't know who that thing in that other place was, but it wasn't you."

"To be perfectly honest, you were the monster in that affair, Buffy," Maeve said. What? "You beat him to a pulp one night in an alley because he was trying to stop you from confessing to a crime you didn't commit. You beat him half to death and left him for the sunrise."

"No!" I pulled away from Spike. I couldn't do that. I _wouldn't_ do that. Spike loved me. How could I just leave him for the sun to take? "No, no, no, no, no." I curled in on myself, sobbing. I barely felt it when Spike wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm not… I don't want to be like that, Spike," I sobbed, throwing my arms around his neck. He pulled me into his lap, cradling me to his chest. "I love you. I'm so sorry. Never. I'll never do that, baby. I'm so sorry."

"Shh, kitten," he murmured. "Never happened. An' it's never gonna."

"Don't leave me, please," I begged. I pressed kisses over his face, tasting the salt of his tears. "Please, Spike, never leave me." He didn't answer. I pulled back, my eyes instantly dry. "Spike?"

"She knows how I can be a good man for you," he said, his eyes flicking over to Maeve. I pulled free from his grasp, standing.

"You're leaving." My voice was surprisingly cold and strong.

"Jus' for a little while," he said, standing. "I'll come back."

I slapped him, hard. "Were you even going to tell me? Were you going to say goodbye, or just leave in the middle of the night?" I demanded. He looked away guiltily. I shook my head in disbelief. "How… Why, Spike?"

"I don' know who I am anymore," he said slowly. "I can't be a man, and I don't want t' be the demon, love."

"I thought we were happy."

"Sweetling, you make me the happiest bloke in the whole damn world," he insisted. "I jus'… I know you love me. An' I love you more'n anyone. But how long is that gonna be enough?"

"I have never asked you to change!" I argued. "I have never asked you to be anyone but who you are. You're enough for me. That's not going to change."

"What about when you want kids?" he asked. "Or when you start to grow older an' I don't? Are you still gonna be happy then?"

"Spike, I could die tomorrow," I said. "My body's not built for the long haul."

"If I may?" Maeve interjected. "Buffy, darling, there is quite a bit about yourself that you don't know. I created you. I created all the Slayers."

"I thought the Watchers made us," I said. That's the story Giles had told me. Something about a girl, and a bunch of men who made her into the warrior for the Powers.

"Do you really think I would have allowed that if it wasn't my will?" she asked. She had a point. For some reason, I didn't want to challenge her. I had no doubt she was who she said she was, with very little persuasion, I might add.

"I made you," she continued. "I know exactly what that body is capable of. You, my dear, are stronger than any Slayer that came before you. You could live to be an old woman, if you take care of yourself and don't take stupid risks. No other Slayer has had that opportunity."

"Why didn't you tell that to him then?" I demanded, gesturing angrily at Spike. "If we could be together for longer than-"

"I said you'll live a long time, Buffy," she said. "I didn't say you'll live forever. You will age, albeit slower than most humans. William will not. He will remain as he is until he meets his end."

"I don' want t' hold you back," Spike said quietly. "I want what's best for you." He placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Y'know, I am sick and fucking tired of other people deciding what's best for me," I snarled at him. He backed off, raising his hands in surrender. I turned my furious glare back on Maeve. "So what's your plan, then, goddess? Convince Spike to leave me?"

"I don't interfere," Maeve said regally. "I can guide Spike onto a path he would have taken regardless. Your paths changed when you went back into his crypt to help him. Because of that, you both lost your way a bit. Now it's up to me to ensure that you get back on your destined journey."

"So I'm destined to become an abusive bitch who convinces the man who loves her to sacrifice himself?" I spat. "Spike's destined to try to rape me and then kill himself?"

"Did I say that was your intended path?" Maeve asked. "No, I do believe you prevented me from finishing your story. There are many different roads you could have taken, so long as they end up in the same place. The journey has just changed for you now. I never said that the other path was the _right_ one; it was just the one you _would_ have taken. Frankly, I'm rather glad you didn't. It gave me so many tension headaches."

"What does this mean for us?" I asked, ignoring her attempt at levity. My eyes darted between Spike and Maeve. The question was directed towards Maeve mostly, but I wanted to know what Spike's answer was too.

"I cannot say," Maeve said. I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a hand. "Not that I refuse to say, that I cannot, because I do not know. I know the destiny I laid out for you, but I do not know exactly what lies between then and now." I frowned in confusion. Why did gods always have to be so damn vague?

"Love," Spike said quietly. I turned to look at him. He'd never looked so sad and guilty at the same time.

"What's wrong?"

"I love you," he began. Whoa, not a good sign.

"I love you, too," I automatically replied. "Spike-"

"Jus' lemme get this out 'fore I can't," he said. "That day- when I bit you- I didn't stop."

"Yes, you di-"

"No, I mean _I_ didn't stop," he interrupted me, pressing a finger to my lips. "_I_ couldn't make myself stop. The chip did. You started- I nearly killed you, Buffy." He took a deep, unneeded breath. "I love you so much it burns me alive. Being with you- it's more than I ever hoped for. An' you know I love bein' a family with you and Dawn. But 'm still a demon, love. 'M still a monster. I'll never be a housecat. No amount of love is gonna tame me."

"I don't want you tamed," I protested. "I want _you_."

"I know," he said. "An' you don't know what it means to me t' hear you say that, pet. But you _need_ a man, not a monster. Yeah, maybe you need your men darker than most, an' you need us strong, but you still need the human part. You need- you deserve the light. You deserve someone who can share your days _and_ your nights, pet."

"What are you saying, Spike?" I asked, more tears threatening.

His jaw clenched and a lone tear fell. "'M sayin' that maybe we need some distance," he said. I felt my heart shatter. "I love you. I'll love you till I'm dust," he said as I dissolved into sobs. He tried to take hold of me, but I fought him off. "But I've got to figure out who I am. 'Ve got to figure out if I can be good enough for you."

"Yes! You're always good enough for me. Spike, baby, please," I begged. "Please don't leave me. Please, Spike, stay with me, please."

"I love you," he said, kissing my lips tenderly. He tasted like goodbye. "Stay safe for me, Sweetness." He pulled away from me and looked to Maeve. She nodded, and suddenly he was gone.

"No! Spike!"

He didn't come back.

* * *

~TBC

calm down! do you really think i'd let it end there? if you couldnt tell, i'm a hardcore Spuffy shipper, and i'm a big sap. so keep the flames to yourself until you read the end, please! and leave me lots and lots of love!


	2. Chapter 2

So, darlings, how did you like that first bit? i know, i know, i'm wicked for sending him away. it had to be done, and you'll get why in a bit. here's some more, mostly angst, and it's kinda long. i'll try to get the rest of it up here- i'm thinking just one more long chapter for this one- in a week or two.

as usual, i dont own anything, so dont sue me

leave me some love, because your reviews inspire me to type instead of study! ~kitten

* * *

It took a week for me to stop crying. Two more, and I left the house. A month after that, I smiled. My heart was in a thousand pieces, but two months after Spike left I laughed again. On day 93, the Scoobies took me to the Bronze. I danced. I stayed an hour until I saw a blonde man with blue eyes and burst into tears. On day 129, a guy in my class asked me to dinner. I said no, but I considered it a good sign that I wasn't a complete basket case. I stopped dreaming about him. I stopped wearing his shirts to bed. Four months after he left, I could say his name without my voice cracking. I could go an entire day without thinking about him, wondering if he was okay.

But I was still numb. I didn't sleep through the night. I didn't eat unless I was forced to. Willow and Tara moved into the extra room to keep an eye on me and help out with Dawn. I didn't patrol, I stopped working during the day. I went to class, took my notes, came home and did my work, and went to bed. Rinse and repeat.

Spike never called, never wrote. I told myself I was okay with that. I mourned what we had, but like all my past relationships, I dealt with losing him. I wasn't sure I'd ever really get over him, although I told anyone who asked that I was. Dawn packed away his things in boxes and put them in the basement. I didn't stop her, nor did I even glance at the boxed after they'd been moved.

Maeve visited me. She appeared in my room, just to chat one night. It was a few months after he left, and she said she wanted to check on me. I threw a picture frame at her.

The second time she visited, it was on day 184. He'd been gone half a year. When Maeve showed up in my room that day, I didn't yell or throw anything. I only raised an eyebrow at her.

"Can I ask how you are, or are you going to start throwing things again?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Maeve," I said. It was partially true. I had improved slightly in the past month. I'd started patrolling again. I still had trouble eating and sleeping, but it was getting easier. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, you know, a little of this, a little of that," she said, smiling. "Creating the next Messiah, solving world hunger. That kind of thing."

"Wanna tell me who that Messiah is? I could set a bet on him," I said, returning her smile.

"Oh, she won't be born for another two hundred years," Maeve said. "Warriors for good take longer to create. I worked on you and William for centuries before you were born." I bit the inside of my cheek at her casual mention of him. I wanted to ask about him, but at the same time I didn't want to know. What if he'd moved on? What if he had met someone? I couldn't bear to know that. I held my tongue, even though I knew Maeve could hear my thoughts.

"Uh, not to seem rude and all," I said, "but why are you here?"

"I wanted to check up on you," she said. "And also, I have a few things I would like to tell your friends. You pesky mortals, mucking up my plans. If I could get gray hairs, I would have them after dealing with you lot."

"Willow, Tara, and Dawn are here," I said. "But I'd have to call the others."

"No, the girls are who I'd like to talk to," she said.

"What'd they do?"

"I would just prefer to prevent some things," she said cryptically.

"You gonna tell me what?"

"Nope," she said. "That's why I'm the god and you're my warrior."

"Y'know I figured you'd have some more gratitude," I teased as we walked out of my room and down the hall. "I mean, I did die once saving your world."

"Are you still dead?" she asked as we started down the stairs. I raised an eyebrow at her. "Consider yourself rewarded, girl."

"You're nice," I said sarcastically. We walked into the living room and the girls gaped. I knew what Maeve was, so her appearance made sense to me. But, judging from the looks on my housemate's faces, I guessed the long green gown and flowing red curls were impressive. Tara gasped and shaded her eyes.

"Hey guys," I said. "Meet Maeve."

"Goddess," Tara murmured. Willow's eyes widened.

"Child, why are you covering your eyes?" Maeve asked Tara in a motherly tone.

"Y-y-your a-a-a-aura," Tara stammered. "It's bl-b-blinding."

"Oh sorry," Maeve said. She did something then, because Tara sighed and lowered her hand.

"Who's she?" Dawn asked.

"You may call me Maeve, Dawn," she said. "I'm… well, Buffy, what would you call me?"

"A pain in the ass?" I suggested. Her mouth was stern, but her eyes danced with laughter.

"You're… you're Queen Maab, aren't you?" Willow asked.

"Some have called me that," she said. "I've also been called Isis, Hera, the Virgin Mary, and Mother Nature."

"Oh," Dawn said, sitting down hard on the couch. "Well then."

"It is a bit much to understand, I know," Maeve said. "I promise you, my Key, that I intend no harm."

"I believe you," Dawn said.

"So are you gonna tell them why you're here?" I asked.

"Buffy! Show some respect!" Willow cried.

"You remember that picture frame that got broke?" I asked. Willow nodded. "Yeah, well, it was supposed to smash on Maeve's face. She didn't smite me for that, she won't smite me now."

"Buffy!"

"It's all right," Maeve said. "She has a right to be angry with me."

"Why?" Dawn asked.

"I was the one who sent William- or Spike, I believe you call him- away," Maeve said without hesitating. Dawn's face set in anger. "Before you do something foolish, I should remind you that nothing you say or do can change the past."

"It's okay, Dawnie," I soothed. "Just leave it be."

"But Buffy-"

"I said leave it," I snapped. Dawn's mouth closed abruptly. I turned back to Maeve with a stony expression. "C'mon, get talking. I've got to patrol soon."

"Fine," Maeve said. "I have a few things to say to each of you. Dawn-" My little sister glared at her, and I couldn't help but feel a little proud. Summers women didn't let anyone push them around, not even gods. "I would like to tell you to mind your sister. And do your homework, please. If you continue as you are, the authorities will take you away from Buffy, and I'm afraid there is very little I can do to prevent that." Dawn's glare immediately softened, turning to fear-filled eyes. She looked to me with eyes glittering with tears.

"I told you to do your homework, didn't I?" I said, holding my arms out. Dawn rushed over, curling herself into my arms. I ran my hand over her hair like I had since we were children. "Calm down, Dawnie."

"I don't wanna go away," she said, clinging to me.

"You won't," I said. "Okay? You're not going anywhere." She clung to me harder, her weight almost completely on me now. I was strong enough to take it but not big enough. Dawn had grown nearly six inches, and I was thin. I hadn't eaten much in the last six months. I guided us to the couch and sat down with Dawn curled up against me. I glanced up at Maeve.

"Go on," I said. "Finish telling them whatever you've got to say that's so important."

"Right," Maeve said, looking to my Wiccas. "Tara, my dear, you have such strength within you. Please, remember that. When I made you, I made you a warrior, not a side-kick."

"Oh, I c-could n-n-never," Tara stammered.

"You could, and you will," Maeve said, smiling. She turned to Willow. "You, Willow, my dear, need to learn temperance."

"Huh?" Willow asked. "I-I drink too much?"

"Not that kind of temperance, child," Maeve laughed. "With your Gift. You must learn to control your magic. You may ask Buffy, I'm aware she didn't tell you. There would have been a much different outcome, but Buffy and Spike changed it. In that alternate timeline, you lost control of your magic, and I'm afraid all was very nearly lost. So you _must_ learn temperance. You must learn the laws of magic."

"How do I do that?"

"Rupert Giles is quite knowledgeable about this," Maeve said. "Let him teach you."

"Okay," Willow said. She looked a little shell-shocked. Maeve smiled down on me.

"You have begun patrolling again, haven't you?" she asked. I nodded. "Are you going to go tonight?"

"I was planning on it," I said.

"Would you mind terribly if I came along with you?" she asked. "It's been quite some time since I watched one of my Slayers hunt."

"Uh, no offense, but you don't exactly blend." I looked pointedly over her long dress.

"How's this?" I blinked, and she was standing before me in jeans and sneakers. The long hair was now the only thing that stood out.

"Yeah, that'll work," I said, impressed.

"We should get going, shouldn't we?" She was right. It had been dark for a couple hours now, and the beasties would be out to play. Disentangling myself from Dawn, I went over to my new weapons chest- Xander made it for me- and started pulling out items. I pulled on a pair of rawhide gloves that I'd found to be useful in keeping my hands uninjured and pulled out a few stakes. Once I was armed, I grabbed my coat and nodded to Maeve. With a wave goodbye to my friends, we left.

Patrol was quite that night. I dusted two vamps while Maeve watched, and we spent most of the time just walking around and chatting. Maeve was funny, in a weird way. She had a very strange sense of humor, but I couldn't help but feel like we would be friends, y'know, if she wasn't a god and creator of the universe.

We were walking through Restfield chatting about movies ("You think I had anything to do with 'Star Trek'? Oh no, someone sold their soul for that one," she said.) We walked up on a fight. Three vampires were fighting one man, but he was holding his own. Maeve and I snuck up close to the fight as the man back flipped into one vamp and knocked him to the ground.

The man was…intense. My skin hummed, but it wasn't a Slayer-sense hum. It was something different altogether. We weren't close enough to see his face, but as I observed his fighting style (fluid, like poetry in motion) I couldn't help but get a good look at his body. He wasn't outrageously tall, maybe 5'11", with pale golden-tan skin and dirty blonde hair that had been streaked by the sun. He was wearing blue jeans and combat boot with a leather jacket thrown over a t-shirt. I crept closer as he staked one vamp and threw a stake to the chest of another.

When he staked the last vamp, my heart stopped. He looked different, and the vampire's dissipating dust obscured my view, but there was no mistaking those diamond-sharp cheekbones and ice blue eyes.

Spike.

I leapt to my feet from behind the tombstone that hid me and sprinted away. I raced past crypts and monuments as Maeve called after me. I heard the unmistakable thudding of booted feet chasing me, but I was faster than him. I ran until my legs burned and my lungs wanted to burst. I lost him in town, but I kept running. I finally collapsed, gasping sobs wrenched from my chest, at the cliffs outside town.

Spike was back. He was here, in Sunnydale. But was he really? It couldn't have been him. Suntanned, for one. No Slayer-y warning bells that a Master vampire was near, for two. And he hadn't caught me. My Spike always caught me. He always found me; he never lost me down a back alley. It was just a figment of my fractured mind. I missed Spike, and I wanted him back, so some random demon hunter that looked a little like him got juxtaposed with his face. He wasn't here. He wasn't.

I stayed on the cliff, arms wrapped around my knees, until the sun came up. I knew I had to get up, go home. I had class today, and Dawn needed to know I was okay. Slowly, I climbed to my feet and I groaned at my sore muscles. It took me nearly a half hour to get home, but it was just as well. I needed to think.

I wouldn't tell the Scoobies about Spike being back. Or about me thinking he was back. I'd heard enough ranting while I was nearly catatonic to know that none of my friends were happy with Spike. Xander and Giles threatened to stake him if he ever showed his face here again. Dawn was heartbroken that he'd left without a goodbye. The girls were just worried about me, but I knew Willow's temper and if Spike showed up around her, he was in for one hell of an angry lecture. So no telling the Scoobies. I should probably see if Willow could summon Maeve for me. Just so I could yell at her for a few hours.

I trudged in the back door as Dawn came down for breakfast. "Buffy?' she asked. "Are you just getting in?"

"Long night," I said, going to the coffee maker.

"Maybe you should skip class today," she suggested. "You look like crap."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. "No, I'll go. Come to the Magic Box after school today, okay? We'll all be there."

"Sure thing," she said. I poured a cup of coffee and moved to kiss the top of her head.

"I'm gonna go shower," I said. "Have a good day at school. Love you."

"Love you too, Buff," she said. I walked upstairs to shower, dreading the day.

The day didn't turn out so bad. My classes were okay, and after a couple cups of coffee, I managed to stay awake just fine. I met Willow for lunch, and she didn't ask me if anything was wrong, so I must have looked okay. Either that or she was just used to my constant look of misery by now. When we went to the Magic Box, Tara looked at me worriedly but didn't say anything.

I was working on some biology homework while Dawn read next to me. The door opened, hitting the small bell above it, but I didn't look up. It was probably just some customer anyway.

When Xander snarled and leapt up from his chair though, I started paying attention. "You son of a bitch!" Xander yelled, punching a certain blond that should have known better than to come here. Spike reeled from the blow, even though I know Xander's punch wouldn't really hurt him.

"You think you can just walk back in here?" Xander asked, throwing another punch. Spike ducked that one. "Do you think you can just be part of Buffy's life again?"

"I was plannin' on askin' her that," Spike said, blocking a right hook. I knew his chip would let him block hits, but unless someone stopped him, Xander could wail on him for hours. Or, y'know, until he got tired. So, like ten minutes.

But then Xander got a bright idea. Pushing Spike back toward the door, Xander threw it open and used his larger body to fling Spike out into the sunshine.

"Spike!" I screamed, bolting towards the door. Dawn was on my heels as I sprinted outside to help Spike.

Turns out he didn't need any help. He was straightening his jacket as Dawn and I made it outside. He ran a hand through his hair, which stuck up in the curls I loved, as the mid-February sun shone down. We gaped as the rest of the Scoobies came out to join us.

"He's got the Gem of Amarra again!" Xander said, staring at Spike. "Buffy, get an ax or something! He's evil again!"

"Harris, you jackass, shut the hell up," Spike said. He held up both hands. "No ring."

"Angel destroyed it," I said quietly, still staring at him. He was standing in the sun. Just the light made him look so different. Then again, I'd never seen his skin any other shade that alabaster. Now, with the light gold tint and the faint freckles on his nose, he looked completely different. Also, with him wearing a grey rock band t-shirt and blue jeans with a black bomber jacket, he wasn't dressed anything like my Spike.

I stepped toward him, biting on my lower lip. I got within touching distance and examined him more closely. That beautiful face of his was the same. Same sharp eyes, same full lips, same scars in his eyebrow and on his chin. This face was still my Spike.

"Buffy," he murmured, stepping closer to me. We were a foot apart now.

I slapped him. Why do women always slap people? Though it was satisfying. Spike flinched from my blow but didn't move. He didn't move even when I changed tactics and punched him in the jaw. I was sobbing and my blows became increasingly weak. He finally moved then, his arms pulling me to his chest and wrapping around me.

"You left me," I sobbed into his chest. "You bastard! Why did you leave me?"

"Never left you," he said, kissing the top of my head. "Just had t' go away for a bit. But I never stopped thinkin' bout you, love. Never stopped loving you, Buffy."

"Buffy, there's something you should probably know," Tara said boldly. I looked over to her, frowning.

"What?"

"His aura…" she started. "Uhm, well, how do I say this? He's… human."

I turned back to Spike quickly. "What?" I repeated. My hand immediately went to his chest. He was warm through his shirt, and the steady beat beneath his skin was unmistakable. "Spike?"

"Went t' Africa," he murmured. "There was a… hell, I dunno. A demon or a god or summat. 'E gave me these challenges. I won 'em, an' he gave me my heartbeat back."

"And your soul?" I asked.

"That too. An' he took out that bleedin' chip." He smiled at me. "I did this for you, Buffy. I love you."

I backed away from him. I couldn't… this was too much.

"Buffy!" Xander's angry voice jerked my head up. I looked towards my friends, their faces ranging from anger to confusion to outright joy. I had to catch my breath, so I nodded at Xander. "Are you completely forgetting the fact that he _left you_?"

"Xander, he's human. He left so he could become human again."

"Good Lord," Giles murmured, finally joining us. He had been in the storeroom when Spike arrived. Giles had been angry, but supportive when Spike left. He had slowly gotten over his bias against my vampire boyfriends before, and when he saw how broken I was, he held his tongue. He knew I was in enough pain without adding to it. But now that Spike was back, I couldn't say how he'd react. "Perhaps we should move this inside," Giles said. "I'll make some tea."

The Scoobies, save for Dawn, trudged slowly inside. Keeping my eyes down, we walked towards my sister. Shyly, Spike stood in front of the girl that now stood almost eye-to-eye with him. She crossed her arms and kicked him in the shin.

"Ow," he said.

"Dumbass," she answered. He laughed and pulled her to him in a hug. Dawn wrapped her arms around him tightly and propped her chin up on his shoulder. She looked worriedly at me. "I missed you," she said, turning her head towards Spike. "You didn't say goodbye."

"I know, I'm sorry, Bit," he said, kissing her hair. "I meant t'… I jus' didn't know what t' say, Niblet."

"You're staying, right?" she asked, pulling back to look at her face.

Spike smiled and wiped at her tears with his thumb. "Nothin' in the world would take me away from my girls now," he said. Dawn smiled happily at him and looked to me.

"Willow and Tara will be moving out again, won't they?" she asked. Spike frowned and raised an eyebrow at me.

"They moved in after you…" I said quietly. "I, um. I was kind of…"

"She was depressed," Dawn said."She was heartbroken. And I couldn't really take care of us, so Willow and Tara moved in to help out." Spike's frown deepened. Letting go of Dawn, he looked me over. I fidgeted under his gaze, toying with the hem of my shit, which had not been too big when I bought it. I knew he was looking at my too-thin body, ribs sticking out and cheeks sunken in. I knew my eyes had dark circles under them. Really, I looked a lot better than I had a couple months ago, but I still looked like hell.

"Oh, sweetheart," he said, wrapping me in his arms again. He cradled me gently but firmly to his chest and kissed the top of my head. In spite of myself, I clung to him. "I'm so sorry, Buffy. I never should've… I should've planned better, shoulda done everything different."

"I'm okay," I lied. "I've been doing better."

"You've only been doing better because Willow and I make you," Dawn said. I pulled away from Spike to glare at my sister. "You don't eat if we don't make you. And I'm still not sure you've been sleeping. You keep going out patrolling, even though you're not strong enough. We're worried about you. You're gonna get yourself killed." She was right. As well as I'd fooled myself into believing I was doing, I didn't sleep through the night and I had no appetite. When I did eat, it didn't usually stay down.

"Dawn!" I said regardless. Spike didn't need his nose rubbed in my misery.

"He should know."

"He doesn't need-"

"Yes, he does," Dawn said. "He fucked up. He should be aware of the consequences of his epic cock-up. You've been a wreck since he left, and nothing we've don't has helped. Maybe if he knows what's going on, he can fix it."

"She's right, love," Spike said. "'M not sure I'm a fan of that mouth of hers, but she's got the gist right. Now. How are you, really?"

"How am I?" I echoed. "I'm tired. I'm always tired. I go patrolling, but I'm going to screw up and get killed. I go to class, but I can't concentrate. I'm never hungry, and I haven't felt real pain in six months. You wanna know how I am? I'm broken, Spike. I gave you… You promised not to hurt me, but you did. You said you'd never leave, but you did. You. Broke. Me. don't you come back here and just act like everything's dandy. It's not."

He bowed his head shamefully."I'm so sorry. Ev'rything'll be better, love," he said. "'M… I'm gonna fix everything I broke." I wiped my tear-streaked face with the back of my hand. I didn't know if it was possible for him to fix what he broke. I told him that after my heart had been broken so many times, I wasn't sure I could survive another heartbreak. And then he left and shattered me. He broke me so badly I don't know if I'll ever find all the pieces again. If I let him back in, let myself love me again, it would kill me if he hut me again. I would not survive it again.

"We should go inside," I murmured, sniffling. Spike frowned at me and nodded. He reached for my hand, but I crossed my arms, avoiding him. He frowned and looked to Dawn. She was frowning, too, but I didn't care. It was my heart, not hers. I never should've been stupid enough to fall for another vampire anyway.

We walked inside, and I took a seat nestled snugly between Willow and Xander. Xander grinned wickedly at Spike, and I nearly started crying again at the look of sheer dejection on Spike's face. Tara murmured something to Willow and they traded places. As soon as I felt Tara's gentle hands on my arm and back, I relaxed. The tears poured out again. Tara wrapped her arms around me and let me bury my face in her hair.

"Mr. Giles, I've been researching something, and I'd like to try it on Buffy," she said, rubbing my back slowly.

"What is it?" Giles asked. My tears slowed, so I tilted my head to rest on Tara's shoulder.

"There was a Slayer in the 1300s, who mated with a vampire," Tar said. "Her mate was killed, and the Slayer lost her will to live. A Healer did a certain healing spell, and the girl lived. Well, until she was killed by a demon, b-but you get the drift."

"We've tried healing spells, Sweetie," Willow said. I lifted my head to look at her.

"You have?"

Willow blanched and then blushed. "y-you've just been so sick, Buffy," she said. "I mean, you've always been little, but I think you only weigh 70 pounds now."

"The spells didn't work because they only heal physical wounds," Tara said. "Buffy, your wounds aren't physical."

"Yeah, I know," I said. I really thought I had been doing better. Or at least that I'd been hiding my misery better.

"Normally, it just takes time," Tara said. "I know when my mother died, it took me nearly a year to feel like me again. But I've been keeping an eye on your aura, Buffy, and it's been getting weaker. You've been giving up, haven't you?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"So will you let me help you?" she asked. "Or, at least, will you let me try?" I nodded slowly. Tara smiled at me. "Okay, Willow, the spell is in the Nickel Grimmoire. You and Dawn gather the ingredients I'll need."Anya opened her mouth, but this new, bold Tara cut her off. "I'll pay for everything, Anya, so calm down."

"I should help you with the spell," Willow said.

"This is healing, Willow," Tara said. "You're no good at it. If I need something blown up, I'll call you."

"When'd you grow a pair, Glenda?" Spike asked.

"About the same time you decided to be an ass and leave your mate," Tara said sweetly, smiling at him. Whoa, I never knew Tara had claws. Her smiled turned to a deadly glare. "Don't delude yourself, Spike. Your girls might be happy you're back, but the rest of us wouldn't hesitate in turning you into a toad."

"Tara," I whispered, still cradled in the circle of her arms.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," she said, blushing slightly. "He needed to know."

"I'm happy he's back," I said. Spike's eyes perked up a bit at that. "I'm just…"

"You're dying, Buffy," she said. "I know. That's why I've got to do this spell. But you have to help me, too. You have to want to live."

"I don't know how to," I said, slow tears starting again.

"Yes, you do," she said. "You know if you want to live or not. You know why you want to stay with us."

"Dawnie," I said. Tara smiled.

"Yeah, Dawnie,' she agreed. "She needs you. We all need you. Why else?"

"My mom," I said. God, my mom would be ashamed of me."She wouldn't…"

"She wouldn't let you give up," she said. Her eyes flitted over to Spike. "What else? Why else do you want to stay?"

"Spike," I whispered so quietly I almost didn't even hear it. "I don't want to leave him."

"Do you still love him?" Tara asked so only I could hear her. I nodded. "Do you still want to be with him?" Another nod. "But you're afraid to trust him again, right?" A third nod of my head. She sighed deeply.

"Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought." Willow and Dawn returned with the supplies I needed. Tara squeezed my hand. "Okay, Buffy, I need you to lie on the floor, okay?" I stood on suddenly shaky legs. Willow spread a few jackets on the floor and I laid down on them. Tara started setting up the items she needed. She poured sand in a large circle around me, leaving it open near my feet.

"Dawn, Spike," she said. "I'll need you in this."

"Why Spike?" Xander demanded.

"Because, like it or not, he has her heart," Tara snapped. Xander's mouth closed in surprise. Tara sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I know what I'm doing." She said apologetically. "So, please, just be quiet and let me concentrate. Now, Spike, you take her right hand. Dawn, take her left." They did as they were told as Tara stepped inside the circle and closed it. When Spike took my hand, I flinched. I saw the look of complete heartbreak on his face and forced myself to unclench.

"I need you all to relax," Tara said. "And do not, under any circumstances, let go of each other's hands." She took Dawn and Spike's free hands in hers and closed her eyes. She started chanting something, but to be honest, I was too tired to even pay attention to what language it was in.

Suddenly, I was aware of something else. An intense pain started in my left hand. I wanted to pull away, but Dawn wouldn't let me. I could feel… I felt _her_. I felt her abject horror at how sick I'd become. I felt her fear that she would lose me. And then, like cool water flowing over a burn, I felt the intense love she had for Spike and I. I felt her love for the Scoobies, too. Her family. I sighed in relief when the pain faded and her love wrapped around my heart. I felt the pieces of my heart slowly stitch together.

Then I felt Spike. Another sharp burn shot through my right hand, but like Dawn, Spike didn't let me go. The burn ran deeper than Dawn's. I felt his utter heartbreak at what he'd done to me. I felt his guilt over what he'd done as a vampire. I felt the intense loneliness of the last six months, and I felt how much he'd missed me. Every thought he'd had was about Dawn and I. He'd been confident that I was strong enough to be okay while he was gone. Now, he felt nothing but guilt at the fact that he was wrong.

It took longer for his love to reach me, but when it did, god, it was amazing. I felt like a suffocating man gasping cool air. Every fiber of my being was suddenly infused with his warm, glowing love. His soul filled min, patching the holes he'd ripped. His heart took over for mine, pumping strength into my body as my own broken heart healed. I could feel my body filling out again, the muscles finding their former strength. I felt the cool softness of Tara's magic as my body healed and restored itself.

There was another rush of warmth from Spike. I felt his despair and fear that we wouldn't be able to move past this. I felt him swear his life to me, giving me his hear and soul for as long as he should live. Just like that, the spell ended. I opened my eyes- I didn't remember closing them- and sat up. My body felt strong, and when I looked down, I saw the lean, powerful body of a warrior rather than the fragile body of a waif. Tara sighed happily and looked around the room. Dawn looked tired, but happy. I hoped I hadn't just given her all of my exhaustion. The Scoobies all had identical expressions of awe.

I felt soft curls on my arm, and I looked down to see Spike, his head bowed over my hand. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Never deserved you," he whispered. Drops of wetness fell onto my skin, and I realized he was crying. I let go of Dawn's hand and turned towards him, tucking my legs under me. Taking his face in my hands, I turned his tragically beautiful eyes to mine.

"Tell me why you really left," I said.

"I didn't think you could ever really…" he said slowly. "You needed my soul."

"I needed _you_," I said, brushing away his tears with my thumb. He shook his head and dropped his eyes again. God, I could kill Angel and Drusilla. I cradled him to me. Those two had broken him so badly. They'd convinced him so well that no one could ever really love him that he didn't believe me. We were together for months while I told him every night how much I loved him, and he didn't believe me.

I was probably partially to blame for him not believing me, too. How many times had I told him before how I could never love him? I though I had healed all those wounds and convinced him that the soul wasn't important for him to be a good man.

Maybe that was the problem. I had mostly ignored his vampiric side. I'd treated him like he was a normal human man when he wasn't. Every one of my actions told him I wanted a human. This was my fault. I looked to Spike, ready to apologize for everything when I saw that he was staring at me.

"Tara?" he said. "Why can I hear what she's thinking?"

"What?" I asked.

"It's a side effect of the spell," Tara said. "Dawn should experience it too."

"I didn't hear anything," Dawn said.

"You'll only hear thoughts that Buffy or Spike wants you to hear, and vice versa," Tara said.

"Tara, just what kind of spell did you do?" Giles asked.

"They were broken," she said. "All three of them. None of them were strong enough to survive on their own. They already had a bond, because they're a family. I just strengthened that bond a little."

"How did you think of that?" Giles asked.

"Maeve came to me last night and showed it to me," Tara said.

"Maeve told you Spike was back, and human?" I asked.

"No, she told me I needed to be prepared in case he came back," Tara said. "She didn't tell me anything about him being human."

"Still not sure I am human," Spike said. I looked at him questioningly. "Don't feel like it." His mouth never moved. I realized I was hearing one of the thoughts he wanted me to hear but didn't want to say out loud.

_What do you mean?_ I asked him silently. He looked up and locked eyes with me.

_It just doesn't feel right_, he thought. _I mean, I know it's been awhile, but I don' think normal humans are this strong._

_Yeah, I saw you fighting last night. You didn't move like a human._ I felt something like fear emanating from him. _What's wrong?_

_I'm worried,_ he said. _ I made a deal with a demon, love. They're not exactly known for keepin' their word. What if I'm still a demon?_

"One way to find out," I said aloud. "Maeve!" The Scoobies were looking at me like I'd finally lost my mind. "Maeve, get your overbearing, holier-than-thou ass down here!" I yelled.

Maeve appeared next to Giles, nearly giving my Watcher a heart attack. "Hi, Honey," she said. "What's up?"

"You got some serious 'splainin' to do, Lucy," Dawn said in a terrible Desi impression.

"What?" Maeve asked defensively. "You wanted him back, he's back, and human. What more can you ask for?"

"I don't feel fully human," Spike said. Maeve looked at him closely for a moment, then rolled her eyes.

"Oh, for the love of-Whistler!" she yelled.

"What's up, Mom?" a short man in a bowler hat asked, appearing next to her. Giles groaned.

"Couldn't you warn us?" Giles asked. Maeve looked at him sheepishly.

"Sorry," she said. She turned back to the man who'd led me on that vision-quest thing a few years ago. Whistler looked around the shop nonchalantly. "Is this your idea of a joke?" she asked. He continued looking around the shop as if she hadn't said a word. "Frances!" she barked.

"Geez, Ma, not in front of the kids," he said. He looked over at me. "how ya doin', Sweetcheeks? Gotta say, you look better 'n ya did a coupla days ago."

"It's just a thought, but you might want to answer her," I said, gesturing to Maeve. Her eyes were narrowed at him.

"Right," he said. "What's the what, Mom?"

"Is this-" she gestured at Spike "-your idea of a joke?"

Whistler grinned. "That was one quick piece of work, lemme tell ya," he said. "First, I had to convince the villagers to kill the demon, and then I had to act like the demon. One of my better performances."

"Huh?" both Spike and I said. Whistler wrinkled his nose, and abruptly turned into a demon, horns and all.

"Holy crap!" Xander yelled.

"Look familiar?" Whistler's voice asked.

_That's the demon I challenged for my soul,_ Spike thought to me.

"It had to look real," Whistler said, turning back into his normal body. "Sorry, kid, I couldn't just give ya your soul back. You had to prove you were worth it."

"And the rest?" Maeve prodded.

"Belated birthday present to Buffy?" Whistler suggested.

"What rest?" I asked. "What are you talking about, Maeve?"

"Tell her, boy," Maeve said to Whistler.

Whistler laughed uncomfortably. "Well, ya see,' he trailed off, and Maeve slapped him upside the head. He yelped and continued. "I was s'posed t' give him his soul back," he said. "An' then Spike was s'posed to prove his worth, save the world, all that jazz. And as a reward for _that_, he was gonna become human. So I just skipped a couple steps-"

"Which was not your right," Maeve growled.

"You really wanted to give him back to her and take him away again?" Whistler asked, raising an eyebrow. "You _know_ how that turned out. It's not pretty."

"Fine," Maeve huffed. "Now tell them the other part."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting' there," he said. He turned back to me and Spike. We were still holding on to each other. "So, Buffy. You're the Slayer."

"Wow, who knew?" Xander snarked. Whistler glared at him.

"What I mean is, your partner can't be a normal guy," Whistler said. "That's why you're attracted to vampires. Trust me, honey, you're not the first Slayer to go there."

"I beg your pardon!" Giles cried.

"You're pardoned," Whistler said nonchalantly. "Just 'cuz you stuffed-up Watchers didn't know about it doesn't mean there weren't Slayers who got their rocks off with demons. You Watchers made them from a Demon. You think they wouldn't be attracted to the dark side?"

"Okay, so we get that Buffy likes vampires," Dawn said. "What's the deal with Spike?"

"I'm saying that for him to be an appropriate partner for her," Whistler said, "he's gotta be more than human, but he needs a soul. So I made him a Slayer."

"What?" Spike and I shot to our feet. I really don't know who yelled. Giles' face was pale.

"You two needed to be equal," Whistler said. "So I made you equal."

Xander hooted with laughter. "Ooh, that's rich," he said. "The Slayer of Slayers becomes one. Karma's not your friend, fangless."

"What does this mean for Spike?" Dawn asked, standing.

"It means he's still strong," Whistler said. "He'll age at the same rate as Buffy. It means whatever he makes it mean."

_I'm a Slayer_, Spike said silently to me.

_Holy shit_, I agreed, laughing. We both heard Dawn's thought.

_Damn it. Now I've got to live with two of them._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So here's the last of it (except for an epilogue full of fluffiness) There's some adult content here, so beware if you're not into that. if you complain after i warned you, i'm going to mock you mercilessly. that's it. enjoy! ~kitten

* * *

After a bit more ruckus, Maeve and Whistler left the Magic Box. My friends tried to stop me from talking to Spike in private, but I brushed them off. He was my partner, my match. We needed to solve the problems between us.

"Can we go for a walk?" I asked him. He nodded shyly, and we walked out of the Magic Box together.

We stayed a foot apart as we walked though downtown and headed toward the park on the other side of town. I had trouble keeping my eyes off him. He looked the same, yet so different at the same time. My heart gave a little jump when he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

"So," he started as we sat down on a bench. I bit my lip and looked at him. "I really fucked things up, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you kinda did," I said with a chuckle. "But I know why you did it. I was stifling you."

"No, love, you weren't," he said. I help up a hand and pressed two fingers to his lips.

"I was treating you like you were any normal guy," I said. "I was basically ignoring your demon side. That was wrong of me. I told you I loved the man and the monster but then I forgot about the monster, and it drove you away. I'm sorry."

"Should've had the stone t' talk t' you, pet," he murmured. He took my hands in his, kissing my knuckles. "'M sorry for the pain I put you through, Buffy. 'M so sorry. I'll take as long as I have t' to make it up to you."

"So where do we go from here?" I asked. "I mean, I think we need to completely restart with each other. We have to get to know each other all over again."

"Right," he said. "An' I should prob'ly not live in the hose while we do that, right?"

"Willow and Tara will be moving out," I said. "They were only staying to keep an eye on me. So once the girls leave, you could move into their room. I mean, you can't live in the crypt anymore."

"I can jus' get m' own place," he said. "A flat or summat."

I wanted to say no, to bully him into staying with us, with me, but instead I just nodded. "If that's what you want."

"Well, no, it's not want I want," he said. "I want to be able t' take you to bed an' forget all this eve happened. I want to go home and make love to my mate. But we've gotta do this like adults, yeah? So that means we've gotta fix everything I broke 'fore we can be together again."

"So no sex," I said. He wrinkled his nose.

"Yeah, no sex. Gotta be honest, 'm not lookin forward t' that."

"But we don't have to cut off all contact, right?" I suggested. If I had to keep my hands completely off him, I think I'd go crazy.

"We'll have t' set rules," he said. "If somethin' makes us uncomfortable, we've gotta talk about it."

"I agree," I said. "I want… I want to be able to talk to you." He smiled and stood, opening his arms in invitation. It was just that: an invitation. I saw the hope in his eyes that I would accept it, and the fear that I wouldn't. I stood and pressed myself into his embrace. I inhaled his head scent as he rubbed his hands soothingly down my back. Gone were the smells of cigarettes, whiskey and blood of the Old Spike, now replaced by the scent of rain water, clean cotton, and musky spicy maleness.

Spike turned us around, sitting back down on the bench with me in his lap. I rested my head against his shoulder, my eyes closed. "I missed you," I whispered.

"I missed you every day," he said. "I left m' heart here with you."

"You took mine away with you," I said. I pulled away to look at him. "Do you still love me?"

"I'll never stop," he swore. "I'll love you forever, Buffy."

I smiled. "Thank you," I whispered. I saw sadness flash through his eyes, but he grinned crookedly at me and kissed my forehead.

We sat together like that until the sun went down, talking quietly. He told me about the trials he'd endured and I told him about my classes. He told me what he experienced when his heart started beating, and he asked me to tell him what it felt like when I felt like my heart had stopped. I told him what I knew about what had happened in the lives of the Scoobies since he had left. We talked the longest about Dawn. He felt terrible that he had left without saying goodbye to her.

We walked a quick patrol, but now fledges popped up for us. Spike walked me back to my house with a promise to see me the next day. When I walked into my house, I smelled food from the kitchen and realized I was hungry. I hadn't been hungry in months.

"Hey guys," I said upon entering the kitchen. Willow and Tara were cooking, while Dawn obediently worked on her homework. I stepped up behind her and wrapped my arms around my sister tightly, inhaling the sweet strawberry scent of her hair.

"How are you?" Dawn asked, covering my hands with hers. Willow and Tara were staring at me.

"I'm… okay," I said. "I don't know really. I think I'm better, though."

"You look better," Dawn said as I released her and sat next to her. "Tara's magic worked well."

"Yeah, it did," I said, looking to the blonde witch. "Thank you, Tara."

"You're welcome," she said. "Are you hungry?"

"Famished," I said. Willow's smile nearly blinded as she set a heaping plate of pasta in front of me.

"What about Spike?" Dawn asked as I dug into the food.

"He's at a hotel on Main Street," I said between bites. "He's… gonna stay there for awhile.

"Are you going to want us to move out?" Willow asked.

"There's no rush," I said. "I mean, eventually, yeah. This was supposed to be temporary, right? And… eventually, I'm hoping that Spike will… I don't know. It's going to take a lot of work. We're going to take it slow. Not slow like before, but actually slow. We need to get to know each other again."

"How are you going to do that?" Dawn asked. I swallowed down the last bit of pasta?

"Patrolling together a few times a week, to start with," I said. "And, um, we have a date planned for Friday."

"Is he different?" Dawn asked. "I mean, other than the clothes and the tan and stuff."

"Not really," I answered. "He's different, but he's still Spike, y'know? He's still… mine."

"You'll get through all this," Tara said, patting my hand. "You two will fix things."

"I hope so."

The first week he was back, Spike and I never touched more than our hands. We patrolled together, and when Spike picked me up for our date, we went to dinner like a normal couple. The second week, he came over to help Dawn with her homework in the evenings. The Scoobies eased out of defensive mode, and Xander even got Spike a job on the construction site he was working on. "I need somethin' t' do all day," Spike told me when he gave me the news. Whenever we came across a new demon on patrol, Spike would help Giles identify it. It seemed like the three men in my life had finally come to an agreement that I wouldn't accept argument between them.

Spike and I tried to keep from settling into a routine. Sometimes Spike would come over to the house before patrol, and a couple times Dawn and I went to his apartment he'd rented. We kept our little 'no sex' rule. It was absolute torture some days, like when we sparred one day and both got a little too worked up. Other days, knowing that there was no pressure- from either side- was comforting.

About a month after his return, Spike and I were on his couch watching a movie after patrol. Dawn was at a friend's house, so it was just the two of us. We were cuddled up together, my head on his shoulder and his arm around my waist. Sometime during the movie, I felt his eyes on me. I looked over to see him staring at me hungrily.

"Spike?" I said. He blinked, and I saw the wall go back up around him. Or maybe it was around me, keeping _my_ heart safe. I hated that damn wall, always keeping the passion I knew lived in him securely under lock and key. "Spike, talk to me," I asked. He turned his sad eyes on me.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I jus'… I'm tryin' t' behave, Buffy."

"I know that," I said, touching his hand. I tossed him a little grin. "I am too."

"I don' wan' t' most days, y'know?" he said. I nodded. "I know I can't… 'Cuz we're tryin' t' make this work, but some days I just want t' throw you on the ground an' shag you silly."

"You know it's not because I don't want you," I reminded him. "I want you every day. But we can't yet. We're not ready."

"I know," he sighed. "'M not bad, love, I promise. I'm jus' frustrated."

"I know, Spike," I pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you for being patient." He smiled and rested his chin on my head.

When the movie was over and it was time for me to go, I gave him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips. After that, every time one of us entered or left the other's company, it was with a sweet, soft kiss.

Our first real kiss- or maybe make-out session is a better term- happened a week after the movie night. We were patrolling, Spike chattering about something one of the guys on his build site had said, when three vampires jumped us. Two were fledges, easily dusted by me, but their master didn't fall so easy. Spike was on the defense, blocking every blow, until the vamp backed him into a mausoleum. When the vamp pulled out a knife and pressed it to Spike's neck, my heart stopped.

"Spike!" I screamed. I don't remember pulling out my spare stake or throwing it, but suddenly it was lodged between the vamp's shoulders and he was disintegrating into dust. Spike's arms were immediately around me as he murmured soothing words into my ear. "I can't lose you," I said, close to tears. His arms tightened around me and he kissed the top of my head.

"You'll never lose me, baby," he said. "'Ll always be here."

"I just… I saw that knife, and I thought-" The tears started slowly down my cheeks as he leaned away to bring his hand up to wipe them away.

"I love you," he said. "I'd never let some vamp take me away from you." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. When he pulled away, I took his face in my hands. My eyes searched his for permission.

_I want to kiss you_, I thought to him. _Like, really kiss you. Is that okay?_

His response was to growl and smash his mouth to mine. No one kissed like Spike. He poured everything he had into a kiss. He tasted so sweet and spicy at the same time as his mouth made love to mine. When his tongue pressed between my lips to caress mine, I thought my legs would buckle. One arm cinched around my waist as the other hand tangled in my hair. I moaned into his mouth and he broke away, gasping for breath. He rested his forehead on mine as we both struggled to get our breathing under control. When he walked me home that night, our goodnight kiss was a bit more intense than usual. We were both okay with that.

We tried to go slowly, sexually, but it was difficult once we crossed the touch barrier. Every time we started to touch, we both had to physically pull ourselves apart. After a few more heavy make-out sessions and I was sure my head was going to explode. It was good, though, spending hours- and I mean _hours_- just kissing each other. When we moved to the heavy petting stage, there were quite a few cold showers for both of us.

I came home after a late class one night, expecting Dawn to be watching TV in the living room. Instead, the house was silent save for some soft music. "Hello?" I called. "Dawnie?" Willow and Tara had moved to an apartment on campus, so I didn't expect them to answer.

"Bit went to the witches' tonight," Spike said, lounging against the living room doorway. I yelped in surprise and spun around. I couldn't sense him as well anymore, which he loved, because it meant he was able to scare me now. "Sorry, love. Didn't mean t' spook ya."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, greeting him with a kiss. "I thought you and Xander were having a boys' night."

"Yeah, that was a ruse."

"Huh?"

"Needed t' keep you on your toes, love," he said. "I wanted t' surprise you."

"With what?" I asked. He just smiled and took my hand. Leading me upstairs to my bedroom, he opened my bathroom door. My bathtub was filled with steamy water fragranced with rose petals.

"Take a bath, pet," he said. He gestured to my bed, where a white box sat. "Then put on what's in the box."

"After your bath, kitten," he said. "'M gonna go downstairs an' finish up dinner, okay?' take as long as you want."

He left me with a kiss and I turned back to the inviting bathtub. My clothes were gone quickly and I slid into the tub, sighing as the hot water relaxed my tense muscles. I had to hand it to that man; he knew what I needed when I needed it. I soaked in the tub until my skin was soft and scented like roses. When I stepped out I found fluffy white towels Spike must have brought. I wrapped one around me and padded over to my bed, where that mysterious white box sat. An envelope sat atop the box with my name written in Spike's neat, formal hand.

I opened the letter with shaking hands.

_Buffy-_

_I wanted to surprise you with something nice tonight. Did it work?_

_Do you know what today is, love? One year ago today Glory beat the ever-loving hell out of me. If I wasn't so glad the hell-bitch was dead, I'd thank her for it. Because of what she did, I got to touch Heaven._

_You're my world, Buffy. You're the reason my sun rises in the morning and sets at night. Every time I see you, hear your laugh, touch that skin of yours, it's like Heaven to me. With you is the only place I ever want to be. You're my heart._

_A few years ago, I never would have thought that. Though a few years ago, I think I was a bit insane. Drusilla and Miss Edith must have rubbed off on me. But all that was before I knew you, before I saw who you are. The way you love, my sweet girl, is more than I've ever seen. And how you fight- both literally and figuratively- to protect the ones you love is a more beautiful gift than anyone could ask for._

_I've seen the best and the very worst of you, just like you have seen the worst in me. I try to be good, but I'm not built to be as good as you are. I want to try, though. _

_I want you to know that tonight isn't about asking you for anything. It's not about trying to woo you or anything like that. It's only about me reminding you what you are to me. It's about me telling you that I love you, now and forever, and that I'm going to do whatever I can to prove that to you._

_I have no idea what's in the box. I had Dawn pick it out, and she wouldn't let me peek. It could be a burlap sack for all I know, but it'll still look stunning on you, my love._

_Get dressed and come downstairs._

_All the love in the world, _

_William._

I pressed a kiss to his name on the page and set the letter on my nightstand. It took three tries to get the box open, because my hands were shaking. Atop the tissue-covered contents of the box was a quick note from Dawn. "Relax. Go with it."

Great advice, Dawnie, but how do you expect me to relax with the first thing I see in the box is a black lace lingerie set? I sent a thought to Dawn. Seriously, this telepathy thing was better than a cell phone.

_I'm killing you when you get home._

_Oh, relax. Have some fun with your man_, Dawn thought back.

_A corset? Really?_

_There's a garter belt, too, _she replied. _Just try not to make Spike's heart stop, okay? I like him alive._

_You're the one that needs to worry about dying._ Her only response was to laugh. Letting out a long, frustrated sigh, I put on the way-too-sexy underwear. I know Dawn was irritated by my reluctance to move on with Spike, but I didn't know she was this desperate to get us back together that way.

After the lingerie and silk stockings came the most gorgeous emerald green dress. Silky and clinging in all the right places, it fit me like a glove. It fell to just above my knees once I put it on. Spike was going to drool. I put on some heels- Dawn couldn't have bought me new shoes, too? - and touched up my makeup.

When I came downstairs, the most delicious smell was coming from the kitchen. I walked in slowly, letting my heels clack on the floor to announce my arrival. I think Spike had changed clothes, because I don't remember him wearing the nice black shirt-and-slacks combo he had on now. Really, the man had a body made for clothes. Whether it was the dirty jeans and work boots he wore on the job sites with Xander or the suit he wore when he took me out for a nice date, he looked amazing. His sun-bleached honey-blonde curls mad me itch to run my fingers through them, and the adorable freckles that scattered across his golden-tan skin made my mouth water.

"What do you think?" I asked, giving him a little spin so he could see my dress. His eyes darkened and a dimpled smile spread across his lips.

"Remind me t' thank the Bit," he said. He held his arms out. "Whatta ya think 'bout mine? Niblet picked 'em out too."

"Guess I've got to thank her too, then," I said, stepping closer to him. I lifted a hand to tousle those curls of his, slowly running the backs of my fingers down his cheek. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, and I popped open the third to expose his creamy skin. "Don't know what I did to get a guy that looks like a model."

"Obviously we both did something right," he said, running his hands over my bare arms. I leaned in, waiting for a kiss, when my stomach growled loudly. Spike laughed at my blush and kissed my forehead. "Let's get you fed, love," he said. He ushered me into the dining room and brought out two plates of food. There was wine already on the table, and I took a long sip to calm my nerves. I really shouldn't be nervous. Spike and I had been on nice dates, and he wasn't pressuring me for anything. But as we ate and talked quietly, I couldn't calm the butterflies in my stomach.

"I read the letter," I said as we finished our diners. A slight flush of color tinged his cheeks. "I hadn't realized it's been a year."

"A year tomorrow, but you don' have an evenin' class then," he said with a grin.

"I don't usually do the whole anniversary thing," I said. Or, I would have, but none of them stuck around long enough. He tilted his head and looked at me. "It's nice," I said with a smile. He broke into a wide grin and stood. He offered a hand to me and I took it gratefully, relishing the way his warm skin felt on mine.

"What about the dishes?" I asked as he led me to the living room.

"I'll do 'em later," he purred. I giggled lightly as he twirled me around. The music that had been playing all night continued as Spike held me tightly.

"Are you cold, love?" he asked when he realized I was trembling. I shook my head, but he wrapped his arms around me anyway. I rested my head against his warm chest and listened to the steady thudding of his heart.

As we stood together, swaying slightly to the music, I realized something. I was in love with him. Not the Spike that left me to go find himself, but the beautiful human man who held me right now. He was my best friend, my confidant, and the only partner I ever wanted to have. I listened to my heart and realized that it was beating at the same time as Spike's. I took it to mean that the PTB wanted our hearts to be healed.

"Spike," I said, pulling away slightly. Those striking blue eyes always felt like they were looking into my soul.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing," I assured him. "Nothing's wrong, Spike. I just… I wanted to say thank you, for tonight. It's been absolutely perfect."

"Wanted t' make it nice for you," he said. "Din't know 'f anyone ever planned a night around you."

"Never like this," I said, my gaze moving from his cerulean eyes to those perfectly pink lips. I rose up on my toes and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. "Thank you," I said again.

"You're welcome, pet," he said. I smiled and laid my head back on his chest. There was something else I needed to say; something I knew he needed to hear. I hadn't said it since he came back. My heart had been too broken still. Every time he said it, I knew he wanted me to say it back, and I saw the hurt in his eyes every time I didn't.

"Spike?" I asked again. He hummed against my hair in response. "You know I love you, right?" He froze against me, and I felt his heart pounding in his chest. I pulled away to look up at his eyes, which were filled with awestruck amazement.

"I do, you know," I said, trying not cry when I saw the tears gather in those lovely eyes. I reached up and brushed one tear away with the pad of my thumb. "I know I haven't said it in awhile,' I said softly. "I couldn't. It was- I just couldn't say it yet."

"What changed?" he asked, his voice quiet. It sounded like he was trying to keep it from cracking. My hands cupped his chin and I smiled.

"I don't know," I said. 'I just kind of realized that I wasn't broken anymore. My heart doesn't hurt anymore."

"Will you-" His voice broke and he tried again. "I need to-"

"I love you," I said quietly, not looking away. "I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone." I took his hands in mine, leading him to sit down on the couch. I held his hands as I sat down on the coffee table across from him.

"I love your strength, Spike," I said. "I love how you try so hard to be good. And you _are_ good, baby. You changed so much, even before you got your heartbeat back. And now-" I brushed away the slow tears falling from his eyes. "-now you're… well, I'd say you're perfect, but I dot want to inflate your ego any more than it already is." He cracked a watery smile, and I dropped my head to kiss the tops of his hands. "But you're perfect for me, honey. Your Spike side is perfect for my wild side, and your William side is perfect for the rest of me."

"They're kinda the same now, love," he said.

"then maybe I should have said your human side and your warrior side,' I said with a small smile. We didn't talk about him being a new kind of Slayer much, mainly because I think it bothered him. I didn't really think of him as a Slayer; I just thought of him as I always had. He was a warrior, a soldier for good just like I was.

"I don't think I'm saying this right," I said as he frowned. "I'm not good with words like you are. I'm trying to tell you that we're the same. We're equals. We're both the same part human and warrior. I couldn't love anyone who wasn't okay with the Slayer in me. And since you're some kind of Slayer, too, it just feels like we balance, y'know?" I willed him to understand what I was saying. There was so much I wanted to tell him that I couldn't find the words to do so. I wanted him to know that my heart beat for him, that the only future I wanted had him in it.

He pulled his hands away from mine and I nearly cried at the rejection I felt. Had I finally driven him away? He gave me a small smile and pressed one palm on my chest over my heart. His other hand covered his own heart and he smiled broadly.

"They're the same," he murmured.

"The only reason my heart's still beating is because yours keeps it going," I said.

"I'm so sorry, love," he said, cupping my cheek with one hand. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I'm tired of sorry," I said. "I'm tired of hurting, and aching for you. So can we just forget about sorry? I just want- can you please just kiss me now?"

I didn't have to ask twice. He leaned forward and claimed my mouth with his, nibbling and sucking on my lips as I moaned into his mouth and tangled my fingers through his hair. "I love you," he gasped into my mouth and I answered him with my own. His hands glided over my hair, my arms, and my back as I anchored his mouth to mine. Our kiss was passionate, but not fevered. Gentle, but never chaste.

"Come upstairs with me," I murmured when he broke away to breathe. He rested his forehead on mine, panting.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Are you sure you're ready, love?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "We don't have to- let's just let whatever happen, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.

"Will you come upstairs?" I asked. He smiled and nodded, standing. I took his hand in mine and led him upstairs slowly. I could feel his hand trembling in mine, or maybe it was the other way around. By the time we made it to my room, I was a messy ball of nerves. Spike placed a strong hand at the small of my back and I calmed somewhat.

"Relax, sweetness," he said. "We don't have t' do anything you're not comfortable with."

"I know," I said. "I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like we've never…"

"We haven't," he said, opening my bedroom door. "Or at least, we've never with both of us human."

"I guess you're right," I said. I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to me. "C'mere."

"I'll do ya one better," he said, moving to the other side of the bed. He kicked off his shoes and climbed up on the bed, stretching out. He held out his arms to me. "You c'mere." I smiled at him and lay down next to him. He played with my hair idly as I felt my body relax.

"I'm scared," I said quietly.

"Of what?" His hand didn't stop its soothing motions over my hair.

"You," I whispered. He froze and I looked up at him. "Not in the physical sense," I assured him. "I know you'd never hurt me. I'm just afraid… what if loving you isn't enough? I'm not good at the relationship stuff, and you're so-"

He pressed a finger to my lips to cut me off. "Hush, Buffy," he said. "You think I'm not terrified of the same thing? You think 'm not scared every day that you'll find some bloke who'll love you better 'n I can?"

"No one will ever love me as well as you do," I said, kissing his lips gently.

"Promise?"

"Only if you do too," I countered.

"Buffy, there ill never be anyone who means a much to me as you do," he swore. I grinned broadly at him.

"I will never and have never loved anyone as much as I love you," I said. His grin nearly split his face.

"Have never?" he echoed. I rolled my eyes at his lingering insecurity.

"Never," I said. "C'mon, who could compare to you?"

"You're amazing," he said, crushing his lips to mine. We kissed slowly, lazily. It felt like hours had passed while we held each other. Our love play was slow and gentle, designed to entice and arouse. Slowly, our touches turned to caresses, and we became bold. When he cupped one hand over my breast, I gasped and arched into him.

"Buffy," he murmured quietly. I knew what we wanted to know.

"I'm ready," I said. Really, if I wasn't allowed to make love to him right then, I might have exploded. I pulled away and stood on shaky legs. He watched with curious eyes as I reached behind me and unzipped my dress. When I let the silk fall from my shoulders and pool on the floor, Spike took in a sharp breath.

"Dawn has a strange sense of humor," I said, shyly covering what I could with my hands. The corset cinched my waist tight and pushed up my breasts, giving me far more cleavage than I usually had. Add in the garter belt, thong, and stockings, and I looked far more seductive than I felt.

"Love," he murmured. He sat up and held up one hand. Twirling a finger around, he signaled me to turn. I gave him what he wanted, spinning in a slow circle. "You look… mouthwatering," he said. He moved to the edge of the bed as I walked toward him. The way he looked at me, eyes dilated and hungry fed my confidence. I gave him a sultry smile and placed my hands on his shoulders. His hands came up to rest on my hips and he stroked what little skin showed at my waist.

"Like what you see?" I asked huskily. He nodded mutely. "Maybe if you prove you can go without tearing it up, I'll get more of this kind of stuff."

He shot me a wicked grin. "Can't help it if you look like a pretty present all wrapped up for me," he said, tugging on the ties on the back of my corset. I batted his hands away. "Aren't you supposed t' tear the wrapping on a present?" he asked with a pout. I bent down and suckled on that pouty lip. My hands moved to the buttons of his shirt, popping them open slowly. His hands moved over my body as I exposed his body to my questing fingers. I slipped his shirt down his shoulders and leaned forward, kissing the freckles I found over his collarbone. His hands slipped up my legs and grabbed my butt firmly. When I nibbled lightly on the skin of his neck, he slapped my butt hard.

I whimpered and moved toward his touch. He rubbed over my skin gently, soothing the burn. He took my hands, moving me to stand up straight, nestled between his legs. He murmured his approval of my outfit as he kissed the exposed flesh of my breasts. His hands untied the corset deftly, and I wondered if this wasn't his first encounter with one.

"If you wanna keep this in one piece, you need t' take it off now," he murmured. He sucked on the skin over his bite mark. I moaned in response; that spot was always an erogenous zone for me. I pulled away slowly, reaching behind me to loosen my binding lingerie. The corset fell to the floor and Spike let out a small sound of pleasure. I undid the garter belt next, letting it fall to the floor as well. When I reached down to untie the bows that held my thong up, Spike caught my hand.

"Lie down," he commanded. I did as I was told as he stood up. My long hair fanned out against the pillow as spike unbuckled his belt and pulled it free from his slacks. His socks joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor, but his pants remained in place. I was about to protest when he slid into bed next to me. He kissed me slowly, running his hand over my skin from my neck to my waist. "Missed this skin," he mumbled, sliding down to press gentle kisses to my throat. He caressed my breast with one hand and tweaked my nipple between his fingers. I moaned and arched into his hand.

"Spike I missed you so much," I whispered, winding my fingers through his hair as he moved down to press kisses over my breastbone and belly. He stayed away from where I wanted his touch the most and I wiggled against him.

"'Ve been back awhile, love," he said against my bellybutton.

"But I couldn't touch you," I said. "Couldn't have you like this." He murmured incoherently against my skin as he sat up and scooted down to my feet. My shoes were still on as he lifted one of my legs and kissed my ankle. He pulled off my shoe slowly and dropped it to the floor. He copied with the other foot, and then began to run his hands up toward my thigh. He caught the edge of my stocking, pulling it down slowly. He kissed each inch of skin as it was exposed to him. By the time he'd stripped my legs of their silk coverings, I was writhing in need. I brought my hands up to play with my nipples, quenching some of the need I felt. Spike caught my movement. He kissed up the insides of my thighs as he watched me caress my own skin.

Sitting back on his haunches, he stared down at me. "Take off your knickers, love," he said. I smiled and dropped my hands to my hips. I dragged my panties down and raised my legs into the air. His hand had moved almost unconsciously to the bulge in his pants, stroking himself as I pulled the skimpy lace off. I grinned devilishly at him and lowered my legs. One ankle was on either side of him and I watching him watching my hand move down toward my sex. I rubbed the delicate lace over my sensitized flesh and closed my eyes.

I felt him move beside me and he took my hand in his. I kept my eyes closed as his lips claimed my own and he guided my hand to the folds of my sex. Moving our hands as one, he stroked the bundle of nerves at the top of my pussy, and then moved down to delve into my wetness. I moaned his name into his mouth. I could feel his hardened arousal pressing into my hip. I pulled away with long, panting breaths. I moved his hands away from my skin and pushed him down onto his back. His pants really needed to go. The fly came open quickly under my deft fingers and I hooked my fingers in the waistband. He lifted his hips to help me ease the pants down and off.

I copied his earlier movement and sat back on my haunches to look at him. His golden-tan skin was flawless over his tight muscles. I ran my hands over his legs gently, the contact never heavier than a feather. He bucked his hips and moved his hand south. His fingers wrapped around his thickened shaft and began stroking. I watched for a long moment as he appeased his arousal, but soon I wanted to play too. I scooted back up to lie next to him and kissed him deeply. My hand took over for his, my thumb brushing over the belled head of his member. He gasped into my mouth and his hand snaked between my legs. He curled two fingers into me and I cried out in pleasure. He moaned deep in his throat as he found the soft bundle within me that made me thrash my hips against him. I lifted one leg and tossed it over his hips as I guided his member toward me. His head rubbed against my folds erotically as I wiggled my hips against him.

"Wait," he panted. I pulled my head away to look at him with hazy eyes. "Condom," he managed to grit out.

"Pill. I'm on it." He growled and rolled us over so he was nestled between my legs.

"Love you."

"I love you too, Spike." I rubbed his cheeks gently with my thumbs as he pressed his cock against my entrance. He filled me in one slow push and I came instantly at having him inside me again. He held still as I came down from my high.

"I know I'm good, love, but really." He chuckled and kissed me softly as he began rocking his hips gently. Having him within me now, with his skin burning as much as mine, was so different than ever before. He gradually sped up his thrusts. The litany of praises and profanity that I always expected while Spike made love to me fell from his lips as I lifted my legs to wrap around his slim waist.

Gripping his shoulders firmly, I flipped us over so I was on top. I pulled him into a sitting position as I rocked against him. "God, Buffy. You're so tight, perfect. Love you." I moaned in response as I leaned back a little. I felt him brush against my g-spot sharply, and I nearly screamed. A few more thrusts and I was on the edge of a world-ending climax.

"Spike- need to- Are you with me, baby?" He growled and rolled us back over so he could thrust into me wildly.

"Come with me, love." He bit down with blunt, human teeth over the bite mark on my neck and I screamed. My inner muscles clamped down on him as he shot his pleasure deep into my womb. Our dual moans and cries reverberated off the walls. We clung to each other as we caught our breath. Spike moved off of me, rolling us both onto our sides so he didn't have to pull out of me.

"I love you." He stroked my sweat-soaked hair gently. I leaned into kiss his lips. "Love you too." His arms wrapped around me and held me to him as our matching heartbeats slowed to normal. After a long while of simple cuddling, Spike pressed a kiss to the top of my head and cleared his throat.

"Buffy, love, I have a question."

"Ask away, babe."

"Prob'ly should wait," he mumbled. "Take you out good 'n proper 'fore I ask. 'S not somethin' ya usually ask when you're balls-deep in someone."

"Sweetheart, just ask." I pressed a kiss to the edge of his strong jaw.

"Okay." He took a deep breath and pulled me away so I could look at him. "Elizabeth Anne Summers, will you marry me?" My eyes widened so much they could've fallen out. A smile danced around the edges of his mouth. "Say yes an' make me the happiest man on earth."

"Oh, Spike. Of course it's yes."


	4. Epilogue

OK, this is really the end! it's just a bit of fluffiness. i thought it needed something else added in here. i hope it ties up everything pretty well.

also, this one is in Spike's POV, just so you dont get confused. leave some love!

* * *

Epilogue

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"Of course it is, Niblet. You know it's no problem."

"Okay, then just remember that Gracie has to have her doggie with her when she takes her nap and that Jake will only eat a sandwich if the crusts are cut off."

I have to hold in a chuckle. Silly girl thinks we're new at this. Her mother and I raised her and her brother and sister just fine, didn't we? I've been here nearly two hundred years. I can handle a couple kids.

Or at least, that's what I thought, until the four-year-old bundle of redheaded fire that is my first granddaughter bolted into my house and straight into my knees. "Papaw!" I'm not a big fan of being called that, but at least I get the chance. I never thought I'd get the last thirty years the way I did. Walking in the sunshine with my very pregnant wife while she carried our twins and held my eldest daughter's hand. Watching my boy play soccer- because no son of mine would play that stupid American football. Walking both of my girls down the aisle to give them to the only men I would ever let have them. And now, my beautiful granddaughter lets me pick her up and spin her around, squealing the entire time.

Joy, my eldest daughter, stands with her hands on her hips, smiling. She's pregnant again, and her mother and I are taking her current kids until the baby's born. She looks just like Buffy, bright green eyes, slightly crooked nose. Brown hair, though, which her mom insists she had to get from me. I know better than that. I've seen the bills from the hairdresser to get that California girl's hair dyed.

Joy's husband Jack is standing in the doorway holding onto the hand of a very tired five-year-old. I give the man who married my baby a nod and smile at his boy. "Your granmum's in the kitchen. If you ask real nice, she'll give you a cookie." The boy's blue eyes lit up and he let go of his da and took off to the kitchen. Jack's a good man, and he's good to my girl. His parents lived down the street from us while he and Joy were growing up. When I caught the whelp climbing through my baby's window, Buffy had to hold me back and remind me that I was ten times worse than him when I was younger. The boy's da died a few years before he and Joy got married, and now he was a second son.

"I swear, if you give me back two balloons as children, I'm coming after you and Mom," Joy says, chuckling.

"You heard from the twins lately? Your mum talks t' 'em, but she don' tell me anythin'."

"Will and Carrie are trying for another baby, and Annie thinks she'll get promoted soon." My grown-up baby girl braces her hand on her lower back. I remember the first time Buffy told me we were pregnant. Her tiny form looked exactly the same to me. I nearly didn't believe her until we went to the doctor and saw the scan that showed us Joyce Elizabeth Kingsley for the first time. I watched every day as her belly grew with my baby. I held my hand over the bump every night while we slept, and I got to feel my Joy when she kicked for the first time. Then she was born, on the same day I had been 152 years prior. The best birthday gift I ever could have asked for.

Two years later, the twins were born. My son was born first and my Baby doll second. I gave my boy my name, and we gave Anne Katherine my mother's. Buffy liked to say that the girls were all her while Will was a carbon-copy of me. She was right about Will, but Annie had far more of me in her than her mother, bright blue eyes and dark curly hair.

I say goodbye to my first-born as my wife walks in from the kitchen holding our grandson. We look older, but far younger than the 50 years we're supposed to be. The Slayer blood in us both keeps us looking in our mid-thirties while the Scoobies all have grey hair. Dawn still looks young, mostly because she's still the active Key. She's married now, to a lawyer who gave her the three loudest boys I've ever met, and I hung out with demons. The witches split up years ago, but they're both still around. Glenda married a sweet doctor girl as soon as it was legal for them to do it. Red decided the whole "I like girls" thing was a phase. She's not married, but she lives with a Watcher named Wesley in LA. Harris is with a right bossy chit named Rona. Anya died in a battle against a hell beast a few years after I became human. We lost Rupert to a heart attack two years ago.

My love wraps an arm around me as she chats with our girl about sleeping arrangements, food preferences, and TV watching. Gracie plays with my hair while they talk. "Papaw, your hair is a funny color. How's come it's not the same color as Uncle Xander's?" I can see Buffy and Joy biting their tongues. I figured that if my wife was allowed to bleach her hair, I was.

"'Cuz your Uncle Xander is a big poof. D'you know what that is?" Gracie shakes her head.

"And you aren't teaching her what it is, Dad," Joy says, crossing her arms and cocking a hip. Sometimes she's so much like her mother it's scary.

"Right. Don' worry, Sweets. I'll behave." She gives me a broad smile and kisses my cheek. Her girl gets a kiss as well, then she moves to her mother and her son.

"Drive safe," Buffy says. "And take care of that baby. We'll come up once you've delivered."

"Okay. Love you, Mom. Don't corrupt my children, Daddy." I pretend to be astonished, which makes Grace giggle.

"Take care of our girl, Jack," I instruct the boy.

"Will do." He gives Buffy a kiss on the cheek and extends a hand to me. "Mom. Dad."

"Good luck. It's the third one that gets you."

"Well if you didn't spoil Annie so much, Daddy, you wouldn't have had a problem. Will and I were perfect angels." Even her children laugh at that as Jack ushers her out the door. I set Gracie down on her feet and give her a pat on the bum.

"Go find yourself somethin' on the telly, hmm? Gotta make sure my Little Bit is spoiled good 'n proper." Gracie giggles and makes a mad dash to the living room as her brother chases after. Buffy sighs happily and leans against me.

"We've only go them for a week or two," she says. A crash and two squeals erupt from the living room.

"Thank god."


End file.
